Perhaps a SPOILER warning is warranted.
My new favorite saying is now “like jumping over a cupcake”. Naomi Campbell does not eat the cupcakes, she struts over them. I should take this moment to remind you that the first rule of fight club is not to talk about fight club which would be advice worth taking for Jocelyn and especially Sandra. The best fight club is a QUIET one. As Team Naomi melts down it occurs to me that maybe instead of jumping over all those cupcakes they should sit down and share one.
Of course the episode didn’t start with fighting, it started with snark. Look, I’m hardly innocent in the ways of Bitch so I can appreciate snark if it’s well done or earned but in this case it just makes me a little stabby. As it turns out, this house is very pro-Stephanie and rather anti-Christy. Don’t mess with the Team Coco baby! She’s our rookie and we want her to win. Stephanie, you rock your confidence and poise all the way to the top!
For those not watching, you missed Coco’s miraculous 160 poses in a minute display. She is utterly divine. You can’t even imagine what it looks like in reality. Your mind, it will be blown.
Then, later, Naomi inexplicably wears some sort of dominatrix themed couture to coach her embattled team through a lingerie shoot. There are a lot of things wrong with that sentence but the most profound is that they win the challenge. Team Coco clearly should have taken that one. Meanwhile, on Team Karolina, Ebony tries her very hardest to save the shoot from Christy’s utter refusal to acknowledge the meaning of the word ‘conservative’. To bastardize The Princess Bride, “I do not think that word means what you think it means.”
There are tears at the end. And not because Naomi cut a bitch with her most fabulous glare, either. Team Coco has some genuinely wrenching moments before the elimination. I am choked up. Margaux (oh, admittedly another favorite) sheds a single perfect tear of sorrow. And poor Stephanie is sent before Naomi to await judgement. Fortunately in the Rock Paper Scissors game of elimination, class beats ego. (Every time.) Stephanie, welcome back!
This thing is getting real, people. Team Coco, I believe in you. But gird your loins. I predict rough seas ahead.